"Anybody can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not within everybody's power and is not easy." - Aristotle
Anger is often associated with negative emotions, clouds of conflict and realms of misunderstandings and regret. Impatient car drivers that occupy the highways honking at the relatively slow traffic signal, often slamming the honk cavity on the steering wheel so hard, it makes Undertaker look powerless. Asian parents raging on their child's careless mistakes in the examination papers, contributing to their depression instead of supposed elevation.
If you could spend a little time observing those examples and analogies I've provided, you should have gotten to the basic central underlying message I'm trying to implement - "
that these rage and anger could be handled and channeled in a different way."
Everybody gets angry. You do, I do.
Everyone does. What splits and draw a fine line of difference between us is the spectrum of approaches we intend to take based on our anger.
For instance, you're on your way to home after tiring extra-hour office works. Driving at a hundred kilometers per hour, you are forced to come to a halt because your wife wants you to complete the grocery errands
now. Completely frustrated with a basket filled with groceries burdening on your arm, you wait in the queue for your turn. As you inch the counter, an elderly man brushes you aside and drops his groceries on the counter table.
OK, stop. What would you do - if you are the man's shoes?
Part of myself would gear up for a knock-out death match with the elderly man, but is that the right way to channel your anger? Any one-sided conflict, heated rivalries and curse word exchanges gives you the rights to be and get angry, however -
it is how you display your frustrations that matters. Rewinding back to the your
"office-worker in frustrations" role, you have three options: holding your anger it, letting it out or controlling it.
"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." - Buddha
Of the first three of broad spectrum of approaches, the first option is relatively
hard. It depends solely on one's ability to contain and hold on the frustrations, anger and rage. The Mr."
office-worker in frustration" could contain his visible anger on the elderly man in himself, however it does no good to the society and the surroundings around it. The society would ideally receive the
wrong message if the man proceeds to do so. The elderly man would assume that his age guarantees him from all his wrongdoings. The cashier would receive the wrong idea of "
the customer doesn't feel his rights being violated. Therefore, I shall ignore this shit." And for the man, it's worse. His containment of anger could be compared to a synonymous virus breeding in the human body, waiting for an impending outburst.
"
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame."- Benjamin Franklin
The second one is
easier. The Mr."
office-worker in frustrations" just has to slam him groceries-filled
office-worker in frustrations". The man has a place - a "room" - to drop all the burdens on his shoulder without thinking about the impending consequences. What are the consequences? -
walk of shame, fired from job, sued in court. Even worse? -
the fact that he has to pay for the "beaten up" groceries.
basket on the unfortunate elderly man, resulting in a fatal and physical injury on the man. The amount of annihilation received by the elderly man is directly proportional to the amount of career and marital stress and rage fueled in the Mr."
Office-worker."
"Usually when people are sad, they don't do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change." - James Russell Lowell
The third one -
controlling it. Do not get the term confused due to your solid perception the verb "control". The word "
control" carries multiple perceptions and definitions - and the one I'm referring to is "
to maintain influence or authority over something." Controlling your anger is a complete contrast to holding in your anger. The difference between these terms is the difference between a lightning and a lightning bug. Instead of crying and holding your anger inside or slamming a basket on the unfortunate elderly man's head, the Mr."
office-worker in frustrations" could finish his transactions after the elderly man finishes his before proceeding to have a long conversation on why Mr."
office-worker" felt uncomfortable. See? Simple.
On basis, when feel angered;
- Ask yourself: Why is this bothering me so much?
- Use "I feel" language.
- Do not neglect other's perspectives, especially the victim's.
- Focus on creating a solution rather than releasing your anger.
- Learn how to behave and communicate effectively and properly.
Those who tend to surround me and see my on daily basis would find myself the last person on the order to write an article on anger - Yes, I am a hot-tempered person. I'm still one, though I only get angry to certain stimulus (situations). From the way I acknowledge, if the anger is worth it, why not show it?
PS. Of course, show it in the "right" way.
TJ.
