If the anger is worth it, why not show it?

"Anybody can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not within everybody's power and is not easy." - Aristotle

Anger is often associated with negative emotions, clouds of conflict and realms of misunderstandings and regret. Impatient car drivers that occupy the highways honking at the relatively slow traffic signal, often slamming the honk cavity on the steering wheel so hard, it makes Undertaker look powerless. Asian parents raging on their child's careless mistakes in the examination papers, contributing to their depression instead of supposed elevation.

If you could spend a little time observing those examples and analogies I've provided, you should have gotten to the basic central underlying message I'm trying to implement - "that these rage and anger could be handled and channeled in a different way."

Everybody gets angry. You do, I do. Everyone does. What splits and draw a fine line of difference between us is the spectrum of approaches we intend to take based on our anger.


For instance, you're on your way to home after tiring extra-hour office works. Driving at a hundred kilometers per hour, you are forced to come to a halt because your wife wants you to complete the grocery errands now. Completely frustrated with a basket filled with groceries burdening on your arm, you wait in the queue for your turn. As you inch the counter, an elderly man brushes you aside and drops his groceries on the counter table. OK, stop. What would you do - if you are the man's shoes?

Part of myself would gear up for a knock-out death match with the elderly man, but is that the right way to channel your anger? Any one-sided conflict, heated rivalries and curse word exchanges gives you the rights to be and get angry, however - it is how you display your frustrations that matters. Rewinding back to the your "office-worker in frustrations" role, you have three options: holding your anger it, letting it out or controlling it.


"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." - Buddha

Of the first three of broad spectrum of approaches, the first option is relatively hard. It depends solely on one's ability to contain and hold on the frustrations, anger and rage. The Mr."office-worker in frustration" could contain his visible anger on the elderly man in himself, however it does no good to the society and the surroundings around it. The society would ideally receive the wrong message if the man proceeds to do so. The elderly man would assume that his age guarantees him from all his wrongdoings. The cashier would receive the wrong idea of "the customer doesn't feel his rights being violated. Therefore, I shall ignore this shit." And for the man, it's worse. His containment of anger could be compared to a synonymous virus breeding in the human body, waiting for an impending outburst.

"Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame."- Benjamin Franklin

The second one is easier. The Mr."office-worker in frustrations" just has to slam him groceries-filled office-worker in frustrations". The man has a place - a "room" - to drop all the burdens on his shoulder without thinking about the impending consequences. What are the consequences? - walk of shame, fired from job, sued in court. Even worse? - the fact that he has to pay for the "beaten up" groceries.
basket on the unfortunate elderly man, resulting in a fatal and physical injury on the man. The amount of annihilation received by the elderly man is directly proportional to the amount of career and marital stress and rage fueled in the Mr."Office-worker."

"Usually when people are sad, they don't do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change." - James Russell Lowell 

The third one - controlling it. Do not get the term confused due to your solid perception the verb "control". The word "control" carries multiple perceptions and definitions - and the one I'm referring to is "to maintain influence or authority over something." Controlling your anger is a complete contrast to holding in your anger. The difference between these terms is the difference between a lightning and a lightning bug. Instead of crying and holding your anger inside or slamming a basket on the unfortunate elderly man's head, the Mr."office-worker in frustrations" could finish his transactions after the elderly man finishes his before proceeding to have a long conversation on why Mr."office-worker" felt uncomfortable. See? Simple.

On basis, when feel angered;

• Ask yourself: Why is this bothering me so much?
• Use "I feel" language.
• Do not neglect other's perspectives, especially the victim's.
• Focus on creating a solution rather than releasing your anger.
• Learn how to behave and communicate effectively and properly.

Those who tend to surround me and see my on daily basis would find myself the last person on the order to write an article on anger - Yes, I am a hot-tempered person. I'm still one, though I only get angry to certain stimulus (situations). From the way I acknowledge, if the anger is worth it, why not show it?

PS. Of course, show it in the "right" way.

TJ. 

How To: Survive a Class When You Don't Understand Anything

We all could relate to this. 

You walk into the classroom, not knowing what's about to crash on your shoulders. You lay down your heavy bags and swiftly occupy the seat. The teacher rushes into the classroom and glances at all the innocent faces. We smile till the moment your teacher begins to rap. One thing is certain - you absolutely do not understand nor understood anything.

Earlier today, I had a Chemistry class in my school. I went into the lab like a braveheart and came out in despair like a Batman with a broken back. Such was the pain of trying to survive a class in which you do not understand anything. Deep from my heart, this sucks! Because ninety percent of the time, every teacher expects her students to know and understand contexts of her teaching before she even teaches.

What teachers do not understand is that the difference in definitions between the word knowing and understanding is huge. You can know a lot of things and in contrast, you might understand nothing at all. It exceptionally synonymous to memorising the topic's title and brief details rather than understanding it. However, fear nothing my dear Earthlings. Why? Because here's your guide to How to Survive a Class When You Don't Understand Anything,

• Never Sleep on It

Sleeping. Easy, yes. Dangerous, definitely yes. Sleeping could possibly be the worst idea in trying to survive such class. Not understanding the bone of contentions, you could be feel migraines and headaches hitting hard. Avoid sleeping or risk getting caught.

• Read it Yourself

If you don't understand anything your teacher is saying - or worse, it makes you fall asleep - read the books, handouts or notes by yourself. Best thing that could happen is that you might actually understand what's happening. 

• Sit beside people who understand

Sitting in a group of people who are plainly giggling or sleeping and trying hard to understand the words that your teacher is uttering - it may sound like Pitbul's rap but trust me, it's the lesson - is simply subtracting one from one - zero. Sitting beside people who actually understand your teachers' raps can help you understand better.

• Ask your teacher

Last resort perhaps. If all else fails, ask your teacher. Don't be afraid. Certain teachers might degrade you for asking. I always sum up all necessary questions till the end of lesson or breaks in between. Never interrupt a teacher's lesson in between.

• Revise after such horrid class

The most important step to avoid another horrid class is just to revise.

PS. - This only works if you are actually willing to care for the subject you are learning. If you don't understand any shit because you hate or dislike the subject, cancel the subject. It's simple. Say no, lol.

TJ.

How To: Make A Killer Presentation

My family members motioned each other to sit down on the unoccupied chairs, strapped with silk ribbons. The atmosphere was glittered with countless number of decorations, that it resembled a wedding dinner rather than the "Internet Studying Program" orientation that we were attending. I stared down at my watch, glancing sideways at the door - waiting for the presenter to enter. The orientation took thirty minutes to begin and once it begun, my parents were snoring already. Sister tilted her head downwards as she scrolled through her Facebook news feeds.

Personally, I don't blame my family members for losing interest on the orientation minutes into it. The presenter was late. He distributed ten pages of notes - filled with obvious marketing techniques to blind parents into getting the system fixed in their homes. He used PowerPoint to a height where he was basically reading he everything he wrote on use slides. He diverted from his topic so much that he started with The Program's Manuals and ended on his personal experiences at the equity market. That was five years ago.

Has this ever occurred to you? Great! So, please use this horrid experience to avoid any similarities to your presentations.

Therefore, how to make a Killer Presentation?

STEP ONE - Planning 

• Choose your topic wisely. 

              Honestly, everyone tend to make great mistakes here. Students or presenters -when given option to choose topic from- will often choose the easiest and the most presentable topic. For example, "how to save environment" over "Should gay marriages be allowed?". Remember, easy topics are often general issues or widely acknowledged fields. General points of discussions leads to lack of participation, response or interest from listeners.

•  Research on your topic 

              A presenter or a person with outstanding oral presentations skills would at least spend an hour researching facts, fun facts, theories, conspiracies, details, whys, hows, and whats about the topic of discussion. Researching more leads to greater understanding of the topic of discussion. This does not only lead to a higher confidence when presenting the topic, but also enables you to answer questions if asked by the listeners.

•  Practice your talk

            Spontaneous talk can have two pathways; pure understanding of topic or complete utter garbage. Though a little ability to converse and bullshit is widely welcomed. Never ever think you could make through an entire talk just by blundering everything you know, especially if you're presenting on a formal event. Draft your points into written format and allow yourself to create your presentation. Once done, practice the same presentation for at least ten times. Practice in front of your family members, mirror or even your goldfish (you might get a smart goldfish at the end of the day).

• Have your presentation unfold logically                                                                         I've seen horrid presentations by cocky people who assume that they can spontaneously make a presentations out of thin air. Utter crap - that's what I listened to. That's because their points are not organised and arranged according to system and the points just pop out anytime because the brainstorming sessions occur halfway through the presentation. Listen, just like every story, your presentation should contain three segments - opening, action and an ending. Opening should include your topic and and an overview of it. The ending should briefly state the general points and bang!

Step Two - Presenting.

• Get Biased - don't overdo it.

         Not many how-to-dos would include this point. This is a complete secret - not completely a secret. A general opinion is always safe but it isn't the food-for-thoughts. A biased or a provocative point can lead to multiple perceptions of the topic. For example, you could always ask a question, keeping in mind that it should be biased.

• Make contact with the audiences

         Remember, you're not the only one out there. The whole presentation is a general concept of you interacting with your audiences, with time accumulating their interest to the main topic of yours. Ask the audiences questions to make sure they are listening to your presentations. Make loads of eye contact, not towards one specific person - that's creepy. Make eye contacts with everyone in the room. Be mobile, move around. Make countless hand movements and gesture - this leads to audiences believing you really know whatever shit you're talking about.

• Be Confident

            I was told by my friend once, Sam, that I look like I'm having the time of my life whenever I'm involved in public speaking. I told her, "trust me, I'm as nervous as you are. I just hid it well." The Truth. The inconvenient truth is that everyone performing would feel nervous and those who looked to be brimming with confidence are just hiding it well. Avoid looking down on the floor or out of the windows.

•  Presentation Tool

          Here's a thing. Presentation tool are just a medium to create better understanding of the topic in the audiences mind. It is not the decisive factor in your presentation. Regardless of how many props, presentation slides and materials you use, the only thing that would matter is your presentation methods. However, if your presentations skills are great, then additional tools would fit in fine.

• Bullet points kills (bullets - duh)

        We all have been told that the mind could only concentrate on one at a time. Yes, 90% of the society can only or - choose - to focus on one thing at time. Long detailed and organised bullet points requires a hard long time to read and the audiences also have to listen to your perceptions and presentation of the points. So tell me, which one would they choose? It is however, still fine, to do bullet points. My opinion is that it is highly sagacious to only include two bullet points per slide. Each slide should only cover one sub topic. In that way, you could also keep track of your presentation.

Perhaps, that's all. 

Remember, public speaking skills don't develop in one night. Don't give up if you have made horrible presentations. I've made loads of horrible presentations that made my friends giggle at the back of the class before.

And, last but not least, as my friend told me that my presentation skills aren't goddess perfect either.

Folks, you don't need a perfect presentation skill to teach others to confront their problems. All you need it a heart to help and a little knowledge.

P.S. Lots of love.

TJ.